What To Do When Arrested With Domestic Violence Charges

The trauma of domestic violence is huge in itself for most of the people. However, being injustice of being arrests for it is something that may take the trauma to a whole new level of being unbearable. If you have been a victim of such a trauma, you must be wondering your options and have been asking the question of what to do when arrested with domestic violence charges over and again. Taking this into perspective, we have mentioned a few of the options that may help you in such a traumatic situation.

The first and the foremost thing that you need to accomplish in such situation is to make sure that you are able to hire an advocate for yourself as soon as possible. It is to be kept in mind that without an experienced and talented advocate, you would not be able to avoid the worst-case scenario provided that you have been arrested for domestic violence. Therefore, hire an attorney for yourself as soon as possible.

It is to be kept in mind that under such scenario, it is of prime importance to make sure that you don't talk to the police or the prosecutors. You may think that if you could talk to the police and let them know about the entire truth, they will try to help you out in order to get out of the situation. However, this is the worst that you could do to yourself. It is to be kept in mind at all times that once you have been regarded as a primary suspect by an officer, anything and probably everything that comes out of your mouth is liable to be used against you in the court of law.

Therefore, hire an advocate and let him do the talking on your behalf. You are not supposed to say a single word to the police or the prosecutor once they have established you as a suspect. Let the advocate do his job.

It is essential that you take picture of all the injuries brought on to you during the entire scenario as well since police officers may not be interested in gathering the evidence that could prove your innocence once they have regarded you as a suspect. If you are not able to do it, ask your advocate to perform the task. Remember, it is of crucial importance and is a great help for your advocate in order to get you out of the mess.

Last but not the least, it is indispensable that you make a call to the district attorney, or your advocate does so on your behalf in order to know the charges which are being held against you as well as the nature of such charges in particular. It is to be kept in mind that if the district attorney decides to let go of your case, which is not rare to say the least, you can certainly start to feel relieved since the situation is fairly under control.

The above mentioned information must have been a huge help if you have been a victim of domestic violence and were looking for answers to what to do when arrested with domestic violence charges. Following the aforementioned tips will make sure that you can get yourself out of the mess as easily as possible and that you won't have to go through the penalties, jail time, probation, community service or whatever other complication may be associated with such a scenario. Remember, it is your responsibility to fight for your rights in the first place.

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Why An Abused Child Aligns With A Parental Alienator

"I just don't get it. My ex abused our child physically, mentally and emotionally. It doesn't make sense that my child should align with them!"

You're right. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense to the ADULT mind but from a child's perspective it is different.

As adults, when someone treats us poorly, we remove them from our lives, as in the case of divorce. A child cannot divorce their parent the same way that we divorce our spouse.

What happens is that the child develops an insecure attachment to the parent that is abusive toward them. In fact, the insecure attachment that the child forms with the abusive parent actually motivates them to become more strongly attached to the abusive parent.

While this seems counter intuitive to the adult mind, to a child it is the opposite.
In a child's mind, if they reject the abusive parent they are more likely to endure worse consequences. They are more likely to starve, be neglected or suffer worse dangers in life. It is a survival instinct that they attach themselves more readily to the abusive parent to avoid these other bad consequences.

What happens when the parent is abusive to the child is that the child strives even harder to gain the parent's approval, regardless of the punishment that they may receive. It becomes the child's goal to establish a relationship with the abusive parent in any way that they possibly can.

Think of it this way: When we don't eat, we become hungry. If we go long enough without eating, we will experience side effect and symptoms of malnourishment and our body emits distress symptoms. Just because our body is sending out distress signals, it doesn't mean that we don't want to eat. Of course we do! When the opportunity to eat arises, we eat more.

It works the same way with a child. When a child is craving that attachment with a parent and doesn't get it, it doesn't mean that he or she no longer wants the attachment. It makes them want the attachment more. A child will strive to gain this attachment in any way possible.

From the child's point of view, there are no circumstances that exist that will make them choose to terminate that attachment with the abusive parent. To choose to terminate it would be risking their life and safety. No matter how bad that parent is, in the child's perspective, it is far better than what could happen to him or her.

The pattern of abuse or neglect that the child receives from the abusive parent, is viewed as being normal to the child because it is all that the child has ever known. It is what is the norm to him or her and it is incomprehensible that anyone else should live in a different way. To the child, everyone experiences the abuse that they do, so it is not wrong.

In the case of Alienation, when a child aligns him or herself with the abusive parent, they are doing so to attain this attachment, to gain approval and save themselves from the dangers that they could be facing if that parent was not a part of their lives. They align themselves with the abusive or alienating parent to gain their approval and feed their need for attachment.

Counter intuitive as it may be, this is the reality of how a child's mind works when it comes to an abusive or alienating parent. Don't get me wrong, the child would love for the parent to stop hurting him or her, but because the child loves that parent and needs to be attached to that parent, he or she will live with the consequences of abuse.

It isn't until that child starts to understand that the abusive or alienating behaviors are wrong, that they will be able to comprehend the need for change.

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